Long story short, I’ll spare you the details of how I got to this moment, but I want to emphasize—this isn’t me.

I’ve been here before, back in high school, caught in the cycle of fleeting, meaningless encounters. I know the emptiness and disappointment that comes with one-night stands.

For me, intimacy has to mean something. Without that connection, I always walk away feeling dissatisfied, unfulfilled, and drained.

A year ago, I made a promise to myself. I removed my IUD—not just because I wanted to avoid the hormones, but because I no longer wanted anything foreign in my body that it was fighting to reject. In that moment, I vowed that the next person I allowed into my sacred space would have to be someone I saw as a potential partner, someone who respected me and my energy.

But life has a way of testing us. While traveling, I met someone who challenged my beliefs. I said NO the first evening we spent time together, however the second night, under a starry sky at the top of a mountain, he urged me to let go, to “stop being so serious” and just live in the moment. For a brief moment, I surrendered to that idea. I agreed, as long as condoms were used—a clear boundary I set. But when I later discovered he ignored that agreement, I was filled with rage.

It was the worst possible timing in my cycle, perfectly synced with the full moon. I’ve never taken any kind of pill, let alone a morning-after pill, but there I was, feeling disrespected and violated. His dismissive comment—“It was in the moment, just take the pill”—only deepened my anger. It became clear this wasn’t the first time he had disregarded someone’s trust like this.

I swallowed the pill, but with it came an overwhelming wave of shame, guilt, and self-disgust. I couldn’t forgive myself for letting it get to that point. Over the next week, I felt the effects in my body—stomach pain, lightheadedness, a disrupted cycle, and emotional heaviness I couldn’t shake. Thoughts of potential risks, like STIs, also haunted me.

When I returned to Moyobamba, I booked an appointment with a doctor immediately. Bloodwork, swabs, and an ultrasound followed. Thankfully, all my tests came back clear, and to my surprise, the ultrasound revealed that the cysts from my past PCOS diagnosis were completely gone.

If there’s one silver lining to this experience, it’s the clarity I’ve gained. I’ve realized how deeply I know myself and why I am the way I am.
My energy is sacred, and I can’t share it with people who drain me or disrespect my boundaries.

From now on, the next person I allow into my life, into my body, will have to prove they’re worthy—someone who uplifts me and values the connection we share.

This experience reminded me of my own strength and the importance of honouring my energy and my truth. I will never settle for less than what I know I deserve.

My soulmate will honour and respect me on every level. They won’t be driven by a desire for pleasure but by a genuine curiosity to truly know me—my heart, my soul, and the essence of who I am. They will understand that intimacy goes far beyond the physical, that it’s about building trust, creating a foundation of respect, and holding space for vulnerability. My partner will see the sacredness of my energy and the depth of my being, valuing who I am on the inside rather than seeking what I have to offer physically. They will stick around not because of desire alone but because of the connection we’ve nurtured, the trust we’ve built, and the love that grows from truly seeing and honoring one another.

When I feel this sense of nurturing & safety I will consider an intimate moment again.

However I have no problem waiting… because

sex is sacred, it is one of the most profound ways two souls can connect. It’s more than a physical act; it’s an energetic exchange where you open yourself to another person, merging not only your bodies but your energies, emotions, and intentions. This exchange can influence your state of being, leaving imprints on your energy field and affecting your sense of balance and peace.

When approached with mindfulness and respect, sex becomes a spiritual act—a way to honour the divine within ourselves and each other. A moment of surrender, where ego dissolves, and two beings come together in unity, vulnerability, and love. With potential to heal, empower, and uplift, creating a bond that transcends the physical and reaches the soul.

On a spiritual level, sex can awaken deeper awareness, as it aligns with life force energy. When treated with respect, it becomes a practice of creation, manifestation, and a pathway to transcendence, connecting us to something greater than ourselves. This is why protecting and honoring this act is so important—it’s not just about pleasure, but about cultivating an experience of mutual respect, alignment, and divine connection.

So next time you think about entertaining a night of fun, think again… pause and reflect— is it truly worth it? Is it worth the sacred energy you carry and the profound exchange it involves?

xoxo,