I took this gig in Sri Lanka thinking it was the perfect opportunity—enough time to do what I wanted, in a place that looked like paradise, and even get compensated for it. Sounds like a dream, right?

I arrived with the intention of doing the bare minimum so I could focus on filming content and working on my own projects. That didn’t happen.

The Highs: A Month of Inspiration & Connection

The first month was a whirlwind. My schedule filled up quickly, with guests and groups hiring me privately on the side. By evening, I was so exhausted I had no energy left for my own creative work.

But the feedback I received made it all worth it.

Hearing people say I was the reason they fell in love with yoga, that I made the practice accessible, that I had changed their mornings with meditation—it was beyond fulfilling. Guests who had never practiced before left with a newfound appreciation for stillness and movement. Some told me they saw me owning my own yoga studio one day. Others mentioned how rare it was to see a teacher smile through an entire class.

I didn’t even realize I smiled while teaching, but I guess that’s what happens when you’re doing what you love. After months of leading teacher trainings in Peru, I felt free to teach creatively again—and that joy was reflected back to me tenfold.

It was an awakening.

The Lows: The Energy Drain of Constant Giving

Then came the second month—and I was completely drained.

I had given so much in the first month that by the second, I had nothing left. I took down my poster of offerings and barely had the energy to do what was expected, let alone film content for my own passion projects.

I also realized something huge: working at a retreat center is completely different from leading a retreat.

In a retreat or teacher training, you start with the same people and end with the same people. You build relationships. You go on a journey together.

Here, it was different. It was a revolving door—some guests stayed for three days, others for ten, some for three weeks. New faces every day.

And with each new arrival came the same repetitive conversations:
"Where are you from?"
"How long are you here for?"
"What do you do?"
"What brought you here?"

Over and over. I felt like a broken record.

Spending breakfast, lunch, and dinner with new people daily while teaching morning and evening took more energy than I realized. I was giving so much more than I was receiving.

By the end, a quote popped into my head:

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results."

I started wondering— am I going insane?

Paradise Isn’t Always Enough

Even though I was surrounded by the most magical ocean I’ve ever seen, raw nature, a natural pool, 30-degree weather, quiet, and peace—all my absolute favorite things in the world—I felt myself repeating a pattern.

I was pouring everything into a company where I was just another number. The guests saw me. They were grateful for me. But on a larger scale, I wasn’t truly seen.

This experience taught me so much.

I gained a deeper sense of self-worth.
I recognized how easy it is to fall into a cycle of giving without receiving.
I saw how companies can hire people for their passion and energy, expecting everything from them, without offering the same in return.

I spiraled inward, reflecting on the parts of myself that had been illuminated through this experience—parts that were ready to be seen, healed, and let go.

Final Thoughts;

Not every opportunity that looks like paradise feels like paradise once you’re in it. Energy exchange matters. Feeling valued matters.

Would I do it again? Maybe. But next time, I’ll step into it with stronger boundaries, clearer intentions, and a deeper understanding of my own worth.

If you’ve ever felt drained in a space that was supposed to uplift you, know this: your energy is sacred, and it deserves to be met with equal respect and appreciation.