Today, I experienced a profound moment—a series of events that led to a deeper level of self-awareness.

It was the first day of arrival for our new group of students here in Peru at Kantu Lodge. The ceremony wasn't until 6 PM, and while there were some tasks to be done, a friend who works at Kantu, and was off that day, invited me to join her on a mini-excursion to the pristine blue waters of Tioyacu Te Da La Bienvenida.

We left later than expected because my interview for the job in Sri Lanka ran longer, however I planned to be back with a few hours to spare before the ceremony. As we left, I noticed one of the teachers’ energy shift. The day before, I had a dentist appointment and had to leave part way while they finalized the rest schedule without me. I wondered if it bothered her that I was leaving again while there were tasks to be completed.

But, knowing this excursion wouldn’t take all day, and with it being my first time in Peru, I wanted to take advantage of the opportunity. I knew I wouldn’t have another opportunity, as I would be heading to Machu Picchu after the training ends, and then leading my retreat before flying out after the following training.

The inner child in me longed for that moment—a dip in the water, something I missed dearly since being in the jungle, especially after experiencing a short tease of the ocean traveling to Mancora.

Despite my excitement, after feeling the energy shift this morning, I felt rushed and little guilty throughout the day, constantly keeping an eye on the time. After lunch, we ended up leaving half an hour behind schedule. I received a message from my boss asking if I was on my way back, as we needed to go over the evening plans.

Anxiety set in. I worried that my boss would be upset with me, or that the other teachers had expressed dissatisfaction. My mind raced in different directions.

At that moment, my friend asked, “Did you often get in trouble when you were younger, always anticipating something bad might happen?”

That question hit home. She was spot on.

Growing up with a strict upbringing and receiving spankings for even the smallest of things, I lived in constant fear. I vividly recall watching a recorded video of myself at 6 or 7 years old, timidly asking my dad if I could wear a belt because my pants were too loose. I laughed at the time, wondering why I had to ask permission for something so simple. But that was the reality—I had to seek permission for everything and was always on high alert, trying not to anger or disappoint my dad.

In the present, my past was replaying itself before my eyes. I felt anxious for possibly disappointing my team, guilty for enjoying my day—the beautiful mountain waters, the delicious lunch.

My friend reminded me, “Don’t feel guilty for laughing and having fun. You deserve it. If you were talking to your younger self right now, feeling these emotions, what would you say?”

I answered that I would tell myself, “It’s not a big deal. It’s not the end of the world. You’re safe. What’s the worst that could happen? I’m an adult now, I’m not going to get spanked. If a conversation with my boss is the worst outcome, then let it happen, and move on.”

Taking deep breaths, I released the emotions and let the tears flow. Instantly, I felt lighter.

I was grateful to have someone with such awareness by my side to help me navigate that moment and bring me back to the present.

In the end, no one said anything. I returned and immediately helped finish all the tasks. We led the ceremony, and I thanked the teachers for allowing me to have that experience. I explained how I felt and the inner journey I went through that day, expressing my gratitude for the healing it brought.

The teacher whose energy had shifted admitted that she was stressed, worried that everything might not get done, especially since she also had an appointment. However, when she returned, everything was completed, and things worked out in divine and perfect order.

These profound moments of awareness allow me to feel, release, and grow. It was a beautiful experience, exactly what I needed, and I’m thankful to be where I am. Thank you universe for naturally placing me in the right moment, with the right people, and what I need at the time.